and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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