Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
