Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
