Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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