I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
