This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
