have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
