Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
