you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
