He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
