I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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