Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
