I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
