Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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