It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
