I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
