threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
