I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
