I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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