nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
