I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
