just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
