Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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