Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Randomize
