Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
