she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I think I sprained my soul last night
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
