never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
