I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
