It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
then he tried to convert me to islam
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
