Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
