That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I can't turn off my feet"
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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