So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
