I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
