in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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