woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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