I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
