Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
