Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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