what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
