Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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