hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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