I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
