I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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