i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Randomize
