you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
you guys were way drunker than both of me
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
