I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
