someone get that fucking seahorse.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
