You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
