Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
