He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Randomize
