She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
