I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
