Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
